GOLF MY WAY

My unique perspective on the game of golf comes in part from my acceptance of the fact that, as a golfer, I have no illusions or hopes of ever qualifying for The Mediocre Golf Associaton. I have found a home in the BGA and even though I suck I really do enjoy the game of golf.
Perhaps my futility can make your game appear less pitiful.

• If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age.
• The game of golf is 90% mental and 10% mental.
• Since bad shots come in groups of three, a fourth bad shot is actually the beginning of the next group of three.
• When you look up and cause an awful shot, you will always look down again at exactly the moment when you ought to continue watching the ball if you ever want to see it again.
• Any change in your stance, grip or swing works for a maximum of three holes and a minimum of not at all.
• No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play worse.
• Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing.
• When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one more club or two more balls.
• If you're afraid a full shot might reach the green while the foursome ahead of you is still putting out, you have two  options: you can immediately shank a lay-up, or you can wait until the green is clear and top a ball halfway there.
• The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share his ideas about the golf swing.

The Snowman Speaks

July 9, 2011  
Mid-Year Wrap-Up
The 2011 season has reached its midpoint and it is time to reflect back on the always amusing antics of the BGA. The season kicked off as planned on March 23 on a rainy 44 degree afternoon at Mt. Pleasant. The BGA managed to get the round  in with only seconds to spare before the floodgates opened. The weather the following week was even worse. Neither rain, nor snow, nor even hail shall stop the BGA from their appointed round. With temperatures falling into the 30s the BGA played on with the fearless duffers battling snow, sleet and hail on hole #4. Three snowmen and an El Nino were aptly scored on the now infamous Hail Hole.
As bad as the weather was in the early part of the season the level of play was even worse. The first sub-50 round was not recorded until week 4 when BC put in a 48. After the first 7 rounds every member of the BGA was shooting 3 1/2 to 5 strokes worse than the season ending average of 2010!
On the weekend of April 9-10  the BGA chose to venture to Ocean City to challenge OC's finest links. In its first ever OC golf expedition the group enjoyed rounds at Eagles Landing and Bay Club. Though the golf was far from spectacular the trip was a rousing success and will become an annual event.
Luckily as the weather warmed into May the play of the BGA managed to improve. However the spring thaw took a bit longer for the Snowman. The Snowman put in 15 snowmen by mid season in a attempt to all but clinch the 2011 Snow Belt in record time. He proved to equally dominating in the sand recording 7 sandies on hole 8 in an early June round. That fine display earned him a 12. Two weeks later CS would equal that season high score with his well deserved 12 on hole #1. To celebrate, CS put on a fine display of cart navigation taking out the boundary ropes on hole 3, dragging ropes and stakes up the hill to the amusement of the assembled gallery. CS added to his 2011 highlights as on June 29 he became the first member of the BGA  since 2008 to fail to clear the infamous driveway of hole #1 with a prodigious 20 yard dribble.
There were shining moments to recall during the first half of 2011. Both BC and the Snowman were awarded cheeseburgers after putting in rounds of net 31 and CS barely missed his burger putting in a net 32. After a bizarre winter routine of smacking leaf piles and snow piles the Commish finally got his game on track with a very strong short game and is averaging less than two putts per hole. He has displayed deadly aim on hole #6 recording 3 birdies. BC leads the BGA with four birdies in a closely contested competition. His 35 pars easily outpaces the balance of the group. Beers have been fairly evenly distributed so far in the weekly competition and despite a generally dismal first half of the season the Snowman remains on pace to possibly secure his first ever seasonal Cheeseburger Championship. Much excitement remains as the second half of the 2011 season begins. We enter the torrid dog days of summer at Mt. Pleasant hoping to survive yet another arduous BGA season.

April 22, 2011   BGA Home Course Change Possibly Avoided
In a stunning move last week, The Snowman was unable to secure the BGA's regular tee time at Mt. Pleasant for our May 4th conflagration. It seemed that after more than 20 years of waking up at 5:00 a.m. to procure the 5:34 p.m. time it would no longer work as the times were being "given" to a group of golfing plumbers and a Men's Club. In response, Frosty reserved our traditional time at Pine Ridge and then entered into negotiations with the management of The Mount.
The impending May 4 lockout of the BGA from Mt. Pleasant and possible forced move to Pine Ridge has been avoided. A potential agreement was reached late Thursday afternoon between the BGA and management of Mt. Pleasant Golf Course that would allow the BGA to continue to play their weekly tournaments at Mt. Pleasant, the official home of the BGA for the past twenty years. Negotiations between The Snowman and management of Mt. Pleasant concluded with the resolution that the management of Mt. Pleasant would work with the BGA so as to allow them to keep a tee time close to 5:30. In recognition of the longstanding relationship between the BGA and Mt. Pleasant the management of Mt. Pleasant stated that they wanted to work with the BGA to make things work. Exact details have to be worked out. The Snowman will meet with management of Mt. Pleasant on May 4 to hopefully finalize the deal and iron out the remaining issues. The atmosphere of the negotiations was cordial and all involved left the negotiations with great optimism that Mt. Pleasant will remain the home of the BGA.

March 31, 2011   Rain, Snow, Sleet and Hail
For the second week in a row, the BGA went where no other golfers would dare to go. They dared to play golf. Opening Day was played during a constant drizzle and temperatures in the low 40s. The round culminated with a frantic race to beat a menacing thunderstorm on hole #9. The BGA duffers barely made it back to their cars to beat an incredible downpour. BC was so rattled by the approaching tempest he four putted the final hole bringing the round fittingly to a close with an EL Nino. The BGA returned the following week to face again the worst that Mother Nature could launch. Temperatures peaked at 44 at tee time and plummeted throughout the round. The 4th hole brought out a wintry mix of sleet, wind, rain and HAIL. The BGA responded with a near whiteout snowstorm of their own. The Commish, CS and the Snowman, of course, recorded snowmen on the hole. It was up to BC to try to make a total whiteout. The hopes of the perfect storm were dashed as BC sunk a clutch 4th putt to hang in with a 7. The total whiteout had been avoided despite the perfect wintry setting. The Snowman would then record the BGA's first of only two pars of the day on #6 and CS would chip in for the season's first bird on #7. Unfortunately galleries were empty and no other golfers were brave(?) enough to experience these thrilling BGA moments. The Snowman has thrived under these wintry conditions to record 3 snowmen and could ice out the competition for the prized Brown Fedora for total accumulation in 2011 if these weather conditions persist.

March 9, 2011  "It's Official"
It is official! The 2011 BGA Golf Season will open on Wednesday March 23, 2011 at 5:34 PM at Mt. Pleasant. All indications show that there could be  a wintry mix waiting for the BGA duffers as they hit the links on the very first hole. One major question as the BGA season opens is will the bizarre secret training regimen of The Commish bring him beer and steer or just laughter and jeers. Word has it that The Commish spent the winter hacking and smacking at leaf piles, snow drifts and ice blocks in an attempt to better his game in an unorthodox training program that brings back memories of Rocky Balboa beating sides of beef in a freezer. The other BGA members are well rested from a winter of non-golf and will be ready to begin the grueling quest for the elusive cheeseburger prize.

Feb. 23, 2011
It is one month exactly to the highly anticipated start of the 2011 BGA season. With cooperation from Mother Nature the BGA duffers will tee it up for another thrilling season on Wednesday March 23. Hole #1 at Mt. Pleasant is blanketed with a deep covering of snow, an eerie foreshadowing for Opening Day.

Feb. 2, 2011  "The Snowman Sees His Shadow" 
The Snowman emerged from his igloo this morning and saw his shadow. As a result it means there will be seven more weeks of the winter doldrums until the beginning of golf season. The 2011 BGA golf season is scheduled to be commence on Wednesday March 23.

November 1, 2010.. The End has Come, Again
Another grueling and thrilling BGA season has come to a close. Mr. Fifteen (CS) managed to hold onto and capture the 2010 Cheeseburger Award by the slimmest of margins. Needing a very strong outing in the final tournament of 2010 he recorded just enough cheeseburger points to take the title. However, during the entire season no cheeseburger was awarded for an outstanding individual round of  net 31. The closest were two rounds of net 33 recorded by The Snowman (BL) and The Commish (RS). Mr. FourSkin (BC) enjoyed inbibing the most beers  for winning 11 rounds during the season. The Snowman was most generous to the BGA as he ended the season buying 10.5 beers for his fellow duffers.
Individual honors included BC capturing the Birdie crown handily over the rest of the field and The Snowman after a slow start easily crushing the competition to retain the Snowbelt with a very impressive total accumulation of 25 snowmen. Along the way The Snowman displayed to the golfing world the true meaning of being a member of the Bad Golfers Association by recording a near blizzard round of 71. This was the most futile display of golf ever seen north of Myrtle Beach! The Commish failed to put in a similar record round for the ages, but did enjoy the distinction of achieving the high hole of 2010 with a "Dirty Dozen" on #8. He recorded the largest straight of the season with  scores of 2 through 12. The memory of BGA legend Rich Streckfus was alive and well in the hearts of three of his former competitors as 3 members recorded a "Streckfus" (11) during the season.
The Snowman enriched the BGA with culture during the 2010 season as he enjoyed a concert of The Three Tenors (10) and an encore by Pavarotti to boot. A BGA first was recorded on June 23 as guest golfer Josh Gerber recorded an amazing Eagle on the very challenging 10th hole of Mt. Pleasant as the golfers played an exhibition hole following their tournament! All BGA members recorded at least 23 rounds with CS leading the league by playing in 28 events.
It was a year of extreme weather conditions. In addition to the near record snowfall by The Snowman, thirteen rounds were played in sweltering 90 degree heat including the July 7 round where the mercury hit 101!  Despite several extremely bizarre close calls, for the second consecutive year the BGA duffers managed to successfully cross the road off the tee of #1.
With the close of another arduous BGA season all eyes are set on March 24, 2011 as the golfers will once again hit the links to experience the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat through another year of punishment on the course at Mt. Pleasant. An appearance at The Crackpot Tournament on 11/14/2010 and a possible return to Myrtle will highlight the long offseason.

9/29/10
The BGA 2010 season will come to a thrilling and merciful conclusion on Wednesday October 13. The culmination of yet another arduous BGA season will take place that day at 5:26 PM on the Mt. Pleasant golf course.With a possible cheeseburger and beer in their sights the duffers will take to the course one final time. Who will taste the thrill of victory or suffer the agony of defeat as the sun sets on the 2010 golf season?

8/26/10
Frosty Shoots One Under "Blizzard"
(Blizzard: (1) the almost impossible accomplishment of shooting a round of all snowmen; or (2) a round of 72 or more for nine hole (averaging at least 8 strokes per hole).

There are times that we need to be reminded just who we are. We must return to our roots. Go back to the basics. We are The BGA, The Bad Golfers Association. The B stands for Bad and we must never forget that! I, the Snowman had to make that point and to make a statement that, The Snowman, the symbol of the BGA, is the "baddest" of them all. On Wednesday, August 25 that was proven once and for all time. The Snowman put on the greatest display of golf inability and futility ever seen north of Myrtle Beach! Three straight "snow birdies" (one below snow, i.e. a hanger) culminated a round that included three snowmen, an El Nino, and an inspiring solo from Pavarotti. When the snow and sand cleared the Snowman had slushed away into the sunset with a record setting 71 on a course I know like the back of my snow mitten.

7/8/10
The Mid-Year Review
It is hard to believe it is now the halfway point of another BGA season and it is time to look back, reflect and marvel at the 1st half of the 2010 season. Weather has been challenging as for most of the first half of the season rain threatened to wash out the weekly rounds. Luckily only one rainout actually occurred and on one other occasion the determined duffers played on through driving rain to complete what turned out to be a decent round. Extreme heat has also been a factor as five rounds were played in 90 degree heat including our most recent round where the mercury hit 101! The unbelievably snowy winter has carried over into the golf season as The Snowman has blanketed the course with snow. He has recorded 12 snowmen so far this season with 10 being scored over the last 6 rounds. He looks to easily retain his title with this record pace. The streak continues as no member of the BGA has failed to cross the road off the first tee. However the streak was nearly snapped as Mr. Fifteen (CS) barely cleared the road this past week. Josh Gerber received a tryout for BGA membership and recorded a BGA first, an Eagle on the par 5 hole #10. Unfortunately with a golf performance like that he failed to meet our lowly requirements, but congratulations to our  guest golfer for that impressive accomplishment. CS may be feasting at the end of the season as he continues to qualify for the Cheeseburger prize. The Snowman at one point was in the running, but he has melted away in the sweltering summer heat. No member of the BGA has grabbed the weekly cheeseburger prize as a net 31 has remained out of reach. The spirit of the Abominable Golf Monster, Mr. Streckfus, has been present as three members of the BGA have been heard grumbling so far. Will BC decide to join the Grouchfest in the second half? The answer to this along with countless other classic moments to come, as the second half of the season unfolds.

6/2/10
AP: The Snowman has silenced his critics in the media as he has moved himself into a first place tie for the 2010 BGA Snow title. With 3 snowmen recorded in the past two rounds he has regained his form and now has 5 for the season. BC and CS have 5, but BL has achieved his 5 despite playing in 2 less rounds. The tabloids had recently hinted that he is slipping and had lost his touch. This appears to be far from the truth. The Snowman was quoted to have said "I pay no attention to these rags and trash talkers. I let my play speak for itself."
Comment from Mr. Fifteen: Sounds like very "Cockey" talk coming from the player formerly known as THE SNOWMAN and now known as one of the snowmen.
Frosty boldly replied: The Snowbelt and The Brown Fedora remain in my possession till someone takes the title. Bring on the competition!

12/9/09
Another Day That Will Live In Infamy
It was Jan. 14; a day that will not soon be forgotten. The BGA teed it up at Black Bear during The Myrtle Experience, 2004. The Snowman was making his penultimate trip to Myrtle Beach and he had the round of his lifetime. In just eighteen holes he recorded one eleven, one nine, one eight and three sevens. Because of the third seven he only beat the rest of the BGA by 10, 10 and 11 strokes. Truly a remarkable performance. Oh yeah, along with his handicap of 39 he had six pars and six bogeys for a career best 101. Follow this link to savor The Round of a Lifetime.
Comment from Mr. Fifteen (CS): Why, why must we keep reliving the horrors of that dreaded year. It is like groundhog day the movie where we keep reliving the mistakes over and over again. Why don't we look for the happy times like when I played mediocre golf and BC sucked. Why, why must we keep reliving the horrors of that dreaded year. It is like groundhog day the movie where we keep reliving the mistakes over and over again. Why don't we look for the happy times like when I played mediocre golf and BC sucked.
Frosty (BL): Well, how about the happy times we all had at Colonial Charters. You enjoyed it the most with a 137. It was a great day for BC as he was not there.
CS: You are one of the evil foul tempered golfers that is busy spreading scatological epithets to upset the innocent. I will only discuss the "good" rounds that I played in Myrtle. There were so many of them.
Commish: If we are only discussing your good rounds then I guess this conversation is over because of lack of content.
BL: We can all fondly reflect on the Myrtle rounds of 2010. They will be our best, since no golf will be played!


11/12/09
A Look Back on the 2009 Season

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